sidney. xxx

today was my grandfathers funeral.

i wish i knew him more, i wish i knew him when he was younger.

today, despite the tears, was an awe-inspiring. 

today, in church, as they closed the curtain. we started to sing 'my way' by frank sinatra. 

as you may have noticed, i quoted that song before.

so there we are, me, my dad, my cousin, my aunt and my nan. singing along to that song as it plays.

it was heartbreaking. but in a good way.

it filled my chest with pride for being part of this family, sadness at the loss, and hope in so much, it is so unexplainable. 

In that moment of bleakness. despair. i was smiling.

my grandfathers name is not sidney, that is his middle name, something i did not know. i did not know he liked frank sinatra either, i did not know he liked photography. there are so many things i never found out.

i hope i dont make this mistake with anyone again. 

this is the poem from the funeral.

Remember me when I am gone away.
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand.
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me: you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had.
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.