e-mails.

On the plus side.

My film teacher has e-mailed me. A few times.

And just, hmm, idk.

I really hope this isn't just me thinking this is something more, i mean i know he's a teacher and all, but he's really not that much older then me, like 5 years most. 

Maybe I am infatuated cause i just have mental problems.

Maybe I should have carried on taking my tablets, but you see i don't want to be dependant on tablets and shit, i just think i need counselling. Maybe i should get this sorted out.

I'm starting to go through the daydreams now, and I'm seriously dreading half term in 2 weeks. 

I really need to sort myself out. 

The only bad thing about it is he is my teacher. If he wasnt, he'd just be some guy, well not some guy, but not this forbidden love kinda thing.  Not that it is love, just saying. It would all be nice and dandy, if say he was a student and what not. It just so happens he is a teacher. 

WHY IS HE MY TEACHER. WHY WHY WHY?!

ahh ramble, but why? I mean he is really really cute. Like not necessary hot, just cute, but idk. And he has brown eyes, i'm a sucker for brown eyes. I have never liked someone, with a few tv exceptions without brown eyes. And he has nice hair, and he likes films, and he's in a band but doesn't want to sign to a label cause he likes teaching, and i want to be a teacher. And we both moved out at 16. And he compliments me, every time i see him. I mean teachers don't usually compliment students on t-shirts/hair colour/laugh do they? My laugh for godsake! I snort when i laugh, but he says he loves my laugh. And said he was thinking of films to lend me the the other night. Do you know what that means? HE WAS THINKING ABOUT ME AT NIGHT. WHEN IM NOT EVEN THERE!

Fuck my life. 

And i'm meant to be in love with my bf whos not. But i mean, we have serious issues atm, and I have no idea what is going to happen, i mean maybe this whole crush thing is just me putting my emotions on to an actual person who i see more regularly. You know? Maybe that's just it, cause things right now are bad and i get complimented rather then told i make someone suicidal. I'm human so maybe i just like the attention. 

Why can't things in my life ever run smoothly.