I'm so sad and alone right now, i have no idea why, just this huge wave hit me, so i phoned him up and wanted to talk to him, and he told me to ring him later, so i said ok. Then i phoned him again and just blurted out that i wanted to talk to him, right now, that i just felt so lonely, and suddenly i was crying. He told me to come round, that he'd get his friends to leave. Cause you see, he won't hang around with me AND his friends. For whatever reason. So for a brief second i thought i'd see him, but then i remembered his nature. I know it's not gonna happen, he won't call me back. And if he does? Then i'll tell him how surprised i am. So now, after my outburst, after not crying for a few days, cause everything feels numb. It hit's me that nothing's going to change. But yet i still wait around for him, i still make the effort. I'm just hurting myself really.
So in other news, my dad moved abroad today, it's some investment job. I won't see him 'til christmas. I'm kinda sad, but then, things with my dad have never been great, so at the same time its this huge relief i guess. One of the last things he said was that he swears on my brothers life that he doesn't care about me. Maybe that will gave you some idea on how we are. hmm.
I had a kinda half day dream half sleep dream today in the car, I won the lottery. Now i'm not someone that does the lottery nor believe in it, so it was kinda a weird surprise to be thinking about it. But anyways, i won like 7.2 million pounds. I can't be bothered to go into detail but i ended up in new york city in autumn waiting at the airport, waiting for him. Kinda sad now i think about it, that i'm daydreaming about waiting for him. I really am pathetic, no wonder he doesn't call.
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